Hey, you’re not alone. I haven’t been in a relationship either, and even though my first crush was in Kindergarten, it was a type of “oh he’s so nice to me, to bad I’m to quiet to actually be nice to him too.” I was the crybaby and he was the person who defended me, and sure, he’s really attractive now, I realize that I never actually liked him. My second crush was in 7th grade who I actually still like, even though I never see him any more ( I know, sad life). At first I didn’t really like him at all, he was annoying, and we always fought about the stupidest things which just we extremely random, from ethics to “Cows can fly.” I only realized I really like him when one day we were just sitting by ourselves, talking about people in our school, and he just randomly told me he loved me! Of course, he probably wasn’t serious, because I just gave him a cookie, but when he said it, I thought about it a lot,and then BAM! Epiphany. I realized I liked him.
I am Asian (only half) and I am protestant, and even though I don’t feel like being asian puts me in a certain set of rules (I live in New York…what rules?), I do feel sometimes that my religion does restrict me from things. For example, I can’t eat certain foods, neither can I celebrate certain holidays, and I feel like people that don’t understand, or don’t want to understand my religion, will purposely distance themselves from me because I am different. People always say that I look cute, but that’s only because I look like I’m 5 years younger than my actually age, which makes me feel really uncomfortable sometimes, because people expect me to act like this nice and calm girl, when in reality, I am not.
The “obsession with Kyuhyun” thing I totally get, because I’m “in love with Kyuhyun” too. Seriously, he’s just so wonderful, and it’s okay to be always associated with the name Kyuhyun when kpop friends talk to you. It’s like when they see you, they talk about kyuhyun for your sake. Actually, it gets really awkward, to be known as the girl who is madly in love with a guy she will never meet, because it seems like I have nothing else in life to do but fangirl about this Korean guy. It just doesn’t work that way, but people just think that’s who you are automatically. Because that’s who they only recognize you as that girl, it’s like everything else about you is worthless. It hurts, which is why I have more friends that DON’T listen to kpop, than people that do.
When it comes to fanfiction, I do like hot scenes (lol, but I cannot read any random ones, they MUST be about the side story in Boys Over Flowers of Chu Ga Eul and So Yi Jeong (oh talking about Boys Over Flowers, even though it wasn’t my favorite drama, it was the one that got me hooked to fanfics. Think about it, why would a read a fanmade story about a drama that was already AMAZING. Tell me, how many fanfics are there about Secret Garden, King 2 Hearts, I’m quite surprised there are barely any fanfiction for that drama BIG. IT WAS SO TERRIBLE!)).
I do plan to NOT have a cat and live like that for the rest of my life, I do plan to one day get a boyfriend (even though I don’t like any guy atm…), eventually find the oh so famous soulmate (I found out about soulmates because of Boys Over Flowers, sad…I know right…), and live happily ever after. Hopefully. What am I kidding, there is no such thing as happily ever after. Oh well.